Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Can't Wait

Stars sparkled within her eyes
as she saw him coming near
the thought ran through her head
'Finally, he's here.'

The day went on so quickly
filled with tons of fun
and no matter what she thought
there's no denying that they both won.

Four hours quickly passed
filled with words and kisses
even if she denied it to the end
she has to face that its him she misses

Over and over she replays
those few hours in her mind
especially that last few moments
and that one specific line

"You're not getting away that easy"
it was quiet, and the moment so quick
and then he moved rapidly closer
leaving her with a single kiss.

Thinking about it later
even though it got rather late
another string of thought
To see him again, she just can't wait...

Friday, March 26, 2010


So many choices in life
so many ways I could take
So many paths I could walk down
My life is mine to create.

I hear so many voices
telling me what to do
and I keep trying to tell them
that I don't care what say you.

What ever choice I make
is all just because of me
influence may have some sway
but I am only what I want to be.

Whether I choose what may be
the darker road of them all
or the lighter one
I choose where I may fall.

Nobody can understand 
exactly what makes up me
but that's alright, because we're all like that
we all just have to be.

So let me continue my choosing
I weigh it all with care
besides, it's not your choice to make
in my steps, you aren't there.

Living life my style, my way
may make me seem like a bitch
but life goes on, it moves along
moving without a glitch

Thursday, March 25, 2010


It's dark outside and I can't see
except for you, except for me
I can't see the trees that I know are there
but I know in my heart, that I don't really care

because at this moment, it's just me and you
Whispering sweet things, knowing what to do
skin touching skin, eyes meeting eyes
lips catching lips, hands caressing thighs.

I can feel your hand, tangling into my hair
and I can't help but smile, just knowing that you're there
Heat is spreading out, from everywhere we touch
and it's just at this moment, that I see this blessing as such.

Lips, breast, stomach, thighs.
everything meeting, even our eyes
Say it to me, say it true
because I know that I love you...

Song of the hour: A Moment In The Life - Dax Johnson

Forest path.

Walking down my path of life
choosing which way to go
Wherever it is that I might end up
I really don't yet know.

But walk along I do
through forest and through plain
through happiness and darker days
through jovial smiles and pain.

I come to so many forks, 
as shadows of people smile at me
the people in my life and possible loves
they all are part of my life, see?

As I come up to this next fork
I look at the shadow there
a young man, tall and lean
smiling with great care

His gaze is intense, and captivating
his hand held out in invitation
I hesitate, not knowing
whether there's something else not mentioned

So I observe this path before me
and take his hand, and a few steps down that road.
And as I walked, it started to darken
and I felt like I was carrying a load.

Again I paused, wondering, 
and looked at the young man there
A shadow sat hunched on his shoulders
Guilt, self hatred, jealousy, these he had to spare

His shoulders hunched with the weight
pain hid in his blue eyes
Baggage, he carried plenty
hidden behind so many lies

Hesitation sprung up again,
I took one single step back
to find the shadow of the young man
growing more desperate, composure he lacked

I looked down the path,
still not sure if I really wanted to continue
I could see the emotions of this shadowy man
and I could see how much I could lose

Time stretched out as I stood there
debating which way I should go.
Back to the main path that I was on
or to continue on this one so slow

The path before me was rugged
the trees hiding most of the sun
There was more this to trip on, and fall over
and the young man whispered, "could be fun."

But staring at this uphill climb and cliff
I knew that my eyes could see clear
"I love you too much to help you hurt yourself."
Yes, in my heart I hold him dear...

With no more hesitation, I turn
to the fork that appears there,
leading back to the main road
and I know that it's special what me and him share

Special it may be, this connection
but it doesn't mean that it's what he thinks
The connection is there, the love for people
but the possible relationship would sink.

"Just friends." I whisper
and then I smile at those encouraging me
to continue down that young man's path
to be what me and him could be.

"No." I mutter. "It's not for me."
"He's sweet, but he's not mine."
So many possibilities in my head
but right now, I know it's not the time

"Take the chance while it's there!" 
I hear one call, the young man's best friend
gently I look at him who said so
my look shutting him silent, in the end

The chance may not come up again
This I know and that's okay.
because, there's just as few chances
to be happy without another to play

So now, I continue down my path
living my life my way
doesn't matter to me what others want me to do
because in my life, what matters is my say

Love for the world can increase always
and many have a place in my heart
but in the end, no matter what, the biggest chunk is mine
from my own happiness I won't part.

Life's paths have many forks in the road
many opportunities to choose
just keep in mind, always, forever
whether what you gain is worth what you lose...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010



Touch me, tease me
Hold me, please me
Bite me, suck me
hardcore fuck me
Want me, need me
Eat me, feed me
Squeeze me, lick me
 hope you'll pick me
Chain me, tie me
Admire me, eye me
Hug me, kiss me
Love me, miss me
Close all those open doors
because tonight, I'm all yours.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I want...

I want to make you close your eyes
I want to make you see past these lies
I want to make you see inside
I want to make you see whatI hide.

I want you to hold me tight
I want you to stay with me tonight
I want you to bring me out of the light
I want you to show me this new sight

I want to feel this passion, so hot
I want to know that it's something we've got
I want to know just how much is a lot
I want you to show me what I've sought

I want you to kiss me gentle and rough
I want you to hold me down, and be tough
I want more than gentle touches, that's not enough
I want more than just all of that romantic fluff

I want to make you close your eyes
I want to see if you despise
I want that passion behind your gentle lies
I want to feel it deep inside...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Miss Independent

I don't think anyone understands
quite where my mind goes too
I don't think people really see
just what I think of all you.

So I'll just sit and smile
here out on my own
because I know that I'm a young woman
but I'm still a woman grown.

Miss Independent, 
I'm on my way
Miss Self-sufficient
I'll do what I want today.

It doesn't matter what others say
it matters what I think of me
and I guess what I'm saying is
I dont' give a fuck what they see

I don't need anyone there
to carry me along
I can get around just fine
when I'm on my own.

I don't need a man to stand
right there by my side
I don't need anyone
sometimes people are more than I can abide.
Miss Independent
that's just who I am
Miss Self-sufficient
I do what I can

I help those I can
but I don't need them there
I don't really expect much back
because that's what I do, I care.

I'll live my life my way
and many will call me bitch
But it's like a bug bite really
that doesn't even itch.

I keep my beliefs, 
and I'll do what I want
I'll flirt, I'll dance, I'll strut my stuff
and I'll tease and I'll flaunt

That's how I am
and that's just my flow
cuz Miss Independent says so.


"You just don't fucking get it!"
I just want to scream
I'm so very open, but still
it's like you just can't see

"Frankly, it's not your problem"
I can't believe you just went
there, stooped so low as to use that
to imply that I don't care about what you sent

I don't know if I can take this
getting smacked when I try to care
I can't just sit and take these blows
I can't always be there

Fucking hell...
just fuck it all
fuck the way
these teardrops fall
fuck the love I feel inside
fuck the feelings I try to hide
fuck the fear and fuck these sights
fuck the dark and fuck the light
fuck the music I listen to
fuck hell fuck everyone, and fuck you
fuck the world and fuck it all
fuck hate and love, and fuck trying to fall...
I feel so finished. so left out and alone
like very chance I've got has been blown...

Monday, March 15, 2010

Be yourself.

Life... about being yourself...'s about being someone only you can be...
...someone that only you can understand...
....someone that is unlike everyone else...
...someone that doesn't copy others to look the same...
...someone who is extremely unique...
...because you are you... original... creative... yourself...
...because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind...
...the hardest battle you will ever fight is the battle to be yourself...
...but it is still better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not... yourself...
...because life isn't about finding yourself...'s about creating yourself...
...people will enjoy it...
...and if they don't...
...forget them... yourself...
...because you know more than  you think you do... is better to be a first-rate version of yourself...
...rather than a second-rate version of someone else...
...believe in yourself, and all that you are...
...because there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle... yourself...

old love poem

Afraid to let you in
scared you'll break my heart
worried you won't save my life
frightened that I'm set apart
Why am I so frightened?
I really don't know.
Life's a work in progress
and I'm starting to let go

As I stare 
into bright blue eyes
i wish that what you see
is truly me, not the lies

Can you see me
behind my mask
of happiness?
Can you see me
behind my mask 
of lies?
can you see
how I really feel
trapped alone 
and hopeless?

Maybe you're the one
and maybe you are not
either way we're both caught up
in a well-tied, tangled knot

Prove to me that you won't
break my heart of worse
Then tell that I'm loved and needed
and ride away with me on a horse...

Late at Night

Late at night
when stars are bright
and all are peacefully sleeping
One girl cries
and though she sighs
only the stars hear her weeping.

If only someone would
would hold her safe and warm
if someone would guide her
safe through the storm
She wishes for nothing more
than for someone to be there.

She wishes for 
nothing more 
than to have her wish come true

Moonlight shines 
down from above
silver and white
like a flying dove
stars dance through
the skies of blue
forever more
perfectly in tune 

Her heart is gold,
her tears unsold
never happy but always blue
she wishes for
nothing more
that to have her wish come true

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Believe

I believe

That just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. Remember that!
That no matter how good a friend is, they will hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that, even if you think you can't.
That true friendship continues to grow over time, over the longest distance. same goes for true love
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life
That its taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
That you should always leave loved ones with loving and kind words. It may be the last time you see or talk to them.
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
That either you control your attitude, or it controls you
That heroes are the people who do what needs to be done, when it needs done, no matter the consequences.
That money is a lousy way to keep score
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you back up.
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world won't stop for your grief
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret it could change your life forever
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completely different.
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people you don't even know or by people who don't even know you.
That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend calls out to you, you will find the strength to help
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
That the people you care about most in life are the people who will be taken too soon.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Passion, Love, Romance

Passion is like fire
flowing through my veins
burning its way around me
driving me insane.

The romance that is here
is fantastic, wonderful
it reaches down, so far inside
it touches the very soul

Love, maybe that's what it is
but somehow, I'm not so sure.
Because love is a strange, fickle thing
it doesn't always endure

This burning feeling when we touch
is something that is so new
it's something I've never had before
something I've felt only with you

Somehow I feel like I've found something
something that might just last
that won't go away like others
like it will stay, unlike those of the past

So push me up against a wall
and kiss me hard and long
maybe, just maybe it'll last forever
and we'll write our own life's love song.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Midday midmorning ramblings

Morning midday rambling
ten minutes before class
I'm staring at the computer screen
just sitting on my ass

Got nothing to do right now
can barely even think
the hyperness of this morning
has gone down the sink

I guess that's what happens 
when you use all the energy 
morning hyperness
too all my energy you see.

Answering texts and writing this
I don't really have much to say
I just wanted to ramble a bit on here
just for now, today.

Heh, just letting my thoughts go
I got five minutes left
Thought ramble, ramble on
through them I have to sift

Stupid presentation today
in about fifteen minutes now.
Stupid business class
can't we just skip to the end of finals somehow?

I'm so done with this quarter
I want to go party and dance
Anyone wanna come with me?
C'mon now take a chance.

Let's go dancing everyone
and let's go have a good time
I wanna go, and have some fun
cuz this ends this short rhyme...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Listening to Winterborn

Their shouting hurts my ears
and still I hold strong.
They never notice any of my tears
and I know that it is wrong.
Yet I stand still and take it
every word, and every blow.
It is too hard to forsake it,
things will eventually change, I know.
I close my eyes to hide the pain
I dry them to hide the tears
Sometimes I feel as though I'm insane
with all my problems, all my fears.
I bury fear inside my heart
though it cracks and burns
even being broken apart
Still I continue to learn
The only way to push through
is to keep away my tears
thats something i know how to do,
keep my eyes dry and unshowing of my fears
I may be mortal, but I know my way
the angels beside me fly
and I must keep the tears away
for angels never cry
My fate draws nearer every day
and I can feel my heart break
I have nothing to say
because, now, its just too late.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Sending Hugs

A simple word can hurt so much
or a look, a glance, or lack of touch
It's hard to judge just what to do
when it comes to comforting you

Living miles away has more cons than pros
but this, I'm sure, you already know
 I wish I could do more than I have
because seeing you unhappy makes me rather sad.

Support from far away, just never seems enough
I always want to just do more, because support seems just like fluff
So many words have passed between us
about some things relevant and others not so much.

I just want you hear me with these
maybe, just maybe they'll bring you some peace.
I know that I'm back and forth all the time
that I'm here and then I'm gone
I know that sometimes it might not seem
like I'm worth all the ton
of trouble I might make,
or drama I might bring
but in the end, I know 
I'm here on which to lean

I'm always there behind you
to help catch you if you fall
It might now seem like it a lot of the time
but I'm always there, if you call.

So I'm sending hugs over your way
hoping that it'll brighten your day
Because here I am, lean on me
I'm here for support, and I'll always be

The Dojo

The door squeaked as I opened it, 
and it slammed shut behind me
I stared out over the open floor
remembering how it used to be.

Back when this place was first built
so many years ago
when the floorboards weren't warped by water
and the mirrors weren't broken, y'know?

Back in the day when there were so many people
to use every weapon hung on the wall
and we'd gather in a circle around the middle
to play sticky-hands after it all
In the center of the wooden floor, 
where the yin yang sign sits
I settle my feet, and re-ground myself
until I feel like once again, I fit.

Because here is my place
where I feel so safe
and I'm right where I belong

Because this is where
I can just be there
and everyone loves me all along.

Known as the Ranch,
it's my really safe place
where I'll never be scared
because I know that I'm safe

Safer than my meadow
with all of the guys
who know how to fight
and to see into my soul through my eyes.

Too Tall Top, Bryce, and Jess
Gypsy and others too.
Where Loki the horse lived, and Bear, the dog,
A place where I can let go of feeling blue.

Finally, I've found my bit of peace
and I've let go of my fear
I've let go of my sadness, my emptiness
and now it's happiness in my tears.

Monday, March 8, 2010


when getting high meant swinging on the playground?
when protection meant wearing a helmet?
when the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?
when Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero?
when your worst enemies were your siblings?
when race issues were only about who ran the fastest?
when war was only a card game?
when the only drug you knew was cough medicine?
when wearing a short skirt didn't make you a slut?
when the most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees?
when goodbyes were only until tomorrow?
...and we just couldn't wait to grow up...

Just Another Girl

Just another girl
standing in the hall
I'm just another girl
leaning against a wall

I'm just another girl
terrified to fall
sitting on my bed,
wanting to get away from it all

I'm just another girl
trying to live for me
wondering if they'll ever know
wondering if anyone sees.

All the pain I stand under
all the tears I hold
all the whispered dreams and wishes
all the things that I've never told.

I'm just another girl
who wants the man of her dreams
who lies and wishes for harmony
who is so much more than she seems.

I'm just another girl
talking for hours on the phone
Just another girl...
who feels totally alone.

I Am...

 I Am…
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, an aunt, a sister, a niece a cousin, a friend. I am a young girl and a grown woman, a partner, a student and a teacher. I am an actress and a dancer, a singer and a writer. I am an artist and a schoolgirl. I write love letters, and hate letters but never send them. I write poetry, and stories. I wish that the world was a "better place" and yet want it to stay exactly the same. I am confident and scared, shy and friendly, terrified and excited. I am loving and caring, thoughtful and hopeful. I am broken and whole. I am misunderstood, misguided, mistreated and mislead. I am hardworking and determined, but a little scared inside. I wish on stars and dream my dreams, pray to God and cry my tears. I smile on the outside when I'm dying on the inside. I listen to others who won't listen to me, I walk on eggshells, I walk on fire, and I walk on needles. I believe in love, and passion, and I've been hurt. I love you, but I push you away. I want you, but not so close. I am everything and nothing all at once, and all I want is for you to

Broken Heart

A smile, a lie
a tear drop, a sigh
a hug, a kiss
a hit, a miss
sorrow and tears
nightmares and fears
love and joy
a girl and a boy
together forever
then broken apart
little did he know
he had broken her heart.

its a rather old poem...

fly away

I'm not afraid to fall
it means I've climbed up high
either way it simply shows
that at least I tried

So when you lay down on your bed 
to lay your head to rest
know that if you can't handle my worst
then you sure as hell don't deserve my best.

So let the rain fall down
and drown me in these tears
let the stars fall from the sky
and be the scourge of my fears

Let this pain descend
I'm coming clean
let the flames burn away
my sanity

I want to ride the thunder
and I wanna swim the sea
so let this pain come down
and set me free...

I'm jumping off this cliff
to fall to the ground
There will be no cry of fear
no, there will be no sound

I'm jumping off, here and now
because I don't know it all
I know that I gotta jump to find out how
to unfold my wings as I fall...

Wings spread wide, I'll follow my heart
I'll let go of all my tears
Flying high, I'll live my life
and I'll brush past all my fears.

Tonight, I'm gonna leave
tonight I'll just be me
Tonight I'll live to the fullest
tonight, I'll just be free.

The Invatation...

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love. For your dream. For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy of fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear to accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you can to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me, and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I wnat to know what sustains you. From the inside when all else fades away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

What Do You Expect...

Can't stop thinking
can't get sleep
lying in my bed
unwilling to make a peep.

I'll suffer here in silence
for now I'll just endure
Where we'll all go from here
I'm really not sure.

I lay here, 
snuggled in my bed
things that have been said

Between me and you
and me and others
trying to find
everything that's a bother.

Pen in hand
notebook ready
But I can't keep 
my handwriting steady

Because I'm starting to feel it
all just slip away
and I just don't know anymore
what I'm supposed to say

I know that it's more me
backing away, than you.
I guess this is just how I react
that this is what I do 

I can't stop thinking
about how relaxed we were
how we could go on for hours
and time passed in nothing but a blur.

I'd call every day, knowing
that you wanted me to
But now, i just don't know anymore
I don't know what to do

I guess I'm not much different
from the guys I get pissed at
only the harsh, blown up drama
ever seems to make it past

All my walls and blunt words
all my drama and my thoughts
I guess its a defense mechanism
which might be all I got.

You stepped back,
for valid reason
and I guess I don't
find that very pleasin

When you act differently,
as "just a friend"
I react differently
different messages I send

I don't know if I want
to be just a friend
because the way you are around your "friends"
probably will bug me to the end
Questions of "are you hiding things?"
or "are you just not saying the truth?"
will always run through my mind
there's little that you could do to soothe

Its really all just in my head.
been thinking to much, too hard.
I'm working through this maze of mine
though its getting rather like walking through tar.

I guess that I don't really need
to "solve" any of this.
it's not really a problem
it's just a haze, a mist.

So maybe I'll throw out
the same question you threw at me.
What is it that you want?
What do you expect our friendship to be?

Because my normal friendship
is deeper than you might think
and with where I feel like you've stepped to
that might go down the sink...

Fuck, i just don't know anymore
what to do, what to think or say
so please, answer me
What is it you expect down this pathway?

Friday, March 5, 2010


Please let me run away
I just want to be alone
Please, steal me away from here
So I can be out on my own.

I'm so frustrated with life
and I don't know what to do
so many people freaking out
makes me feel rather blue.
I'm feeling so friggin lost right now
Don't know where to go.
school, life, home and friends
god, I just don't know

Head hurts, 
from thinking too much.
I long for a good tight hug
for someone's warm touch.

One friend backing off
one just freaking out.
not talking to me
and I know what it's all about.

Another too busy 
to give any time
others too far away
puts me in a rather tight bind.

Maze that is my mind
standing in a corner
trying to find so many things
so many situations to figure

Yea, I know I think to much
I'm building some explosives
cuz I think I figured out what I want
Now I just have to get out to live.

Walls starting to break down, 
I'm starting to see clear
got music in my ears
doesn't matter, I can't hear.

Gotta go, can't get any rest
it's just too much to take
have to keep running 
because it's just too goddamn late.

Run before it all blows up
leave it all behind
Give me a new place to start up
a way to clean up my mind...

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Sitting here
in the car
this is it
I've pushed to hard

Tears are rolling
down my face
Breathing is hard
and it's too fast a pace.

Sobs start ripping
from my throat
It's getting to hot
inside my coat.

Take it off, 
throw it down
How can I cry
with so little sound?

Music blasting
in my ears
I'm trying to drown
all of my fears

Turn up the music
tune out the world
just leave me be
in my corner curled

There's no one here
no, not for me
It's not wonder I try
to not let myself see.

Nobody around,
nobody to care
so little trust
because not a soul is there

So many want 
me to stay on the ground
But one thing you can't do
is pin a sylph down.

Me, myself and the wind
is that all I'll ever have?
I just want a good friend
is that something so bad?

So many lost
so many gone
in the end of everything
will anyone have won?

Is it too late?
No, it can't be
it's never to late
why can't I fuckin see?

This is just too much
for me to take
There we go, I finally found
the edge of this gigantic lake

I've finally filled the jug
overflowing is the wine
What in this world is left
that I can truly call mine?

Even when I say
it'll be alright
I still can't truly get 
any good sleep at night

I still cry hard
nearly every day
I still can't find
the right words to say

I'm nothing but a kid
stuck in a grown up's game
no matter what
I'll never be the same.

I'm trying to stand
all on my own
and then I pause to look
and find I really am alone.

Too much stress
Too much pain
this has to be it
I must be going insane

To many friends backing away
too many freaking out
too many not knowing what 
life is all about

Fuck it all
it's just too late
life is amazing
but it's not always great.

Fuck life, fuck you,
fuck me, fuck school.
fuck fire, fuck water
fuck not being cool
 fuck sickness, fuck health
fuck anger,fuck wealth
fuck living , fuck dying
fuck laughing ,fuck crying
fuck love, hate and friends
fuck following trends
fuck drugs and parties
fuck all of those harpies
fuck trying to find someone for to fall
fuck happiness and anger...
dammit...just fuck it all.