Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Soul Trip

My mind traveled far from my body last night
hundreds of miles from home.
First I was surrounded by people,
then I was in the wilderness, always alone.

Winding through all these cities,
brushing against the people.
They're like rivers among the lit streets,
each soul glowing like a single light.

Then, I moved out into the wild
where feral animals roam
through the mountains and forests to the beach
where the waves are topped with foam.

All alone I stood upon the sand, 
not another soul passed by.
The moon rose upon the eastern horizon
as the sun set upon the west, hiding its flowery lie.

The crest of the waves matched my breath
and the retreat matched the beat of my heart.
I walked forward into the waves, 
and let them wash me clean so I could have a new start.

Saltwater all around me,
cleansing through my soul,
everything seemed to slow down a bit
and warmth replaced the cold.

Worry left and gentile confidence remained
and all of my stress seemed to be gone.
So back through the wilderness and the crowded streets
until I was back in my bed, still alone.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Why Do I Bother?

Why do I bother to help others out?
Why do I bother to try to be their friends?
Why do I bother to love other so much?
I know it's all going to come to an end...

Stupid people with their expectations
expectations that don't fit.
Stupid expectations and stupid rules
and they never try to change it.

Why do I bother when they just get mad
for me doing something I said I'd do?
Why do I bother when everything goes wrong?
it's not like its ever really worth the drama like glue...

Why do I bother doing anything at all?
Why do I bother letting people into my heart?
Why do I try to give advice and keep people happy
when I know that they'll just try to rip me apart?

I guess I'm just dysfunctional like that...

Friday, August 27, 2010

Broken Mirror Reflection

Eyes stare blankly forward
as thoughts overwhelm her brain
racing back and forth
she swears she's gone insane

Tears fall a little, one by one
The matters at hand hurt to look at
as if she's holding broken glass in her fingers
but the blood isn't red, it's just pure black.

Stuck there on the ground
she's scare to move at all
because it feels as though she's on a knife point
with one wrong move able to make her fall.

Thinking faster, ever faster
thoughts whirling around so desperately
She looks up for a moment, wondering
and her reflection in the broken mirror is all she sees.

Studying the face so carefully,
it isn't her looking out 
it's someone else, looking just the same
trying to figure what the situations about...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Don't leave me

Sitting here down on the beach
I can see the rocks within my reach
I can't stand to hear all these others preach
it feels so much like and energy leech.

So I come sit out on this beach, alone
wondering when it's safe to come home
Staring at the waters looking for fish bones
wondering what crops for myself have I sown?

So I start at the water, feel the wind, hear the waves
and I wonder just how much of everything can I save?
I shoo away thoughts of most people, every knave
and think of many things while I feel like I'm in a cave

Despite open sky above me and all
I feel like I'm in a cave, on a cliff about to fall
Save me, won't you from this wind's desperate call?
Because of my resistance, it seems to me that it wants to mawl.
Please don't leave me to this life on my own
I don't want to be stuck here, alone, all alone...

What happened to the companion that I remember so clearly?
What changed what he had, holding each other so dearly? 

I can't see quite right for some reason, seeking through the fog
I feel like I'm trying to step through a hopeless bog...

Sitting here on the beach, rocks surrounding me
I can't help but shift from right to left uncomfortably
The few rocks and the grains of the sand dig deep into my knees
as I stare out to the waves, please, don't leave me...

Wondering

Distance slowly seems to grow between us
and why? I just don't quite know...
Was it something I did or something I said?
Was there something I didn't let go?

Is it just life rushing by so fast?
For all my thought it might be just that
Can you still tell me what's on your mind?
or have we lost everything even where that's at?

So many questions
running through my mind
where do I turn to next?
what is it that I might find?

Can we even begin to fathom
how deep our friendship is?
or did we already forget it
and let it come down to this?

Is there something wrong with what is there?
Has what we had already headed to nowhere?
I'm wondering so much what's in your mind
because I just don't know what I might find

But I want to know, so badly now
because now I know that I can figure it out
So I'll ask you openly, clearly, outright.
What is on your mind tonight?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Two Lovers

Two lovers meet in the dead of night
to be captured by kiss in the pale moonlight
Caught up in a tangled embrace
two lovers meet in such a wonderful place.
With gentle caresses and many a sweet kiss
it's not a night either one would dare to miss.
Two lovers love under the bright stars
with no thought of what they might become, but only of what they are
Cries of passion fill the air and sing to trees
so late at night, a time where none but the lovers see.
Stars above encircle the moon in the sky
their pale light would reveal any lie.
Two lovers lay, together, so close
they have so much more of something than most
Together they lay beneath the sky of black canvas,
covered in beautiful points throughout the spaciousness
Slowly, so slowly, the east begins to brighten
and then the horizon starts to lighten.
Soft kisses and quiet goodbyes
take so much longer with looking into the others eyes.
Two lovers part in the early morning light, 
each remembering fondly the dark hours of night.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Bottle It In

Bottle it up, girl, hold it in,
hold back the tears, keep on livin'
Life doesn't pause for you to grow up;
no matter what happens, life doesn't stop.

Heartbreak happens, move along
keep singing with the ocean's song.
Bottle up everything, pain, sorrow, tears.
Hold it back everyday, all your anger and fear.

Bottle it up, girl, hold it in, 
you can't give up on livin'.
Hold back every frustration
you can hold strong on this path of damnation
life doesn't pause for you to grow up
no matter what happens, it doesn't stop.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Nothing left to lose

Days blur by
bleeding into one another
restless nights go past
and I stare to think "why bother?"
I'll just find another sleepless night, 
another one, filled with thought
but sometimes, I think these silent times
are really all I got.
I can't stand to sit and wonder
I can't stand not knowing what to do
But I don't want to know sometimes
because what I'm thinking about, I really have no clue...
So onward to the next day I ramble
onward to the night I move
A ghost, a shadow within the light
with nothing left to lose.

Friday, July 23, 2010

What Am I?

I’m a rush, a beating,
A set of desperate feelings.
I’m an adrenaline shot, a stumbling fall
And in the end, I’m worth it all…

I’m a low bass roar,
a beautiful song
One that many never realize
is there all along.

The double beat time of a heart
And just as easily, I can be torn apart.
I can be a quick run, or a slow crawl
I’m something to which so many would give their all.

I’m a sickness, a disease
I’m the virus and the cure
I’m a bramble and yet a flower
A soft petal and a rough burr.

I’m a tropic storm and a calm sea
I’m unique, no one can truly copy me.
I’m a blizzard, a thunderstorm demanding attention
And yet, I’m hidden, and by few I am mentioned

I’m a rush and a beating
A set of desperate feelings
I’m an adrenaline shot, a stumbling fall
And in the end, I’m worth it all…

What am I?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Choose the dream, Dream the Choice

A cowboy hat or an acoustic guitar,
a bright red flame, or a hott rockstar.
A troubled mind from across the sea
or one who will always love me.
A survivalist mind or a bass guitar
a bloodstained knife, or a shiny car.
A college student  or an Irish guy
a young companion or an older one's sighs.
To tell the truth or to protect them from pain,
to believe I'm fine or that I've gone insane.
I'm starting to wonder if it was enough
to have chosen so completely to find myself.
I chose the dream and so dreamed the choice, 
and now, I can no longer find my voice...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Fallen


Staring out over the water,
I can see them coming in.
Dark, and heavy with rain,
darker than the darkest sin.

My mood blackens with the weather
as I growl out in frustration
I can't imagine what I'll do yet, 
but I can't take this damnation.

Spiraling downwards go my thoughts
and swiftly followed by my soul
as my mind darkens with the depth
as I speed to find a means to reach my goal.

The scars upon my back 
ache with an old, burning pain.
I can almost feel the ripped wings
wishing I could fly again.

They tore them off ten years ago
when I was foolish and young,
when I committed a sinful act
and now it's over, now it's done.
Black hair around my face
hiding my furious glare
but the clouds did come to my call,
gathering at the sky where I stared.

Lightning streaks across the sky
lighting the darkness for a brief time
and sharp eyes scan the horizon
looking for the sign.

A former angel, that's what I am
fallen from the sky to earth
and when I pause to think of it
between this and death, this is worse.

So I sit and I growl out my anger
I push away my pain
hoping that one day, through whatever means,
I'll be able to find my wings, and fly again.

Friday, July 2, 2010

English Braids and Lavender




Fleeting is this life we live,

As with the wind do we all run

Until in the landscape do we fade.

Memories, however;

‘til forever do they stay

As lovely reflections upon a lake,

And ripples in each silent breeze.

And, as that is true,

In the cascading shades of darkness,

When cloying night whispers upon my face do bead,

I shall dream a dream of English braids and lavender;

For, of my memories, I do hold dear

The sweet scent of lavender and the subtle perfection of English braids.

Whenever without a light I am,

The sweet scent of lavender shall from the gloom draw me,

And the subtle perfection of English braids shall my eyes dry.

If in the sun they never again my senses grace,

Then in woe shall my heart sing

And dampen my cheeks with its melody.

But, said is it that, if one loves something dearly,

The ultimate act of heart is to cut its chains and set it free;

This life we live is much too swift,

And deserve it we do to pick that wind up beneath our feet,

Even if to us it brings to us great pain.

And, as that is true,

In the cascading shades of darkness,

When cloying night whispers upon my face do bead,

I shall dream a dream of English braids and lavender.

~Sola-Lily ♥

All For You




All within and all without me;

All for these arms about my neck,

Moonlight deep and tender,

Cool air crisp and early.

My heart whispers within the still sky,

And each curl of feathery serenity assures me;

I’ll spear each star and empty the night,

Douse the sun and drain the day,

Let the ocean bleed out then hang it out to dry;

I’ll do anything you wish.

Your pain I shall take for my own,

Your tears I shall cry,

Whatever you wish, whatever you wish;

It shall be.


~Sola-Lily ♥

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Sunset Meditation

So I'll sit here in deep meditation,
pondering a while my soul's creation.
I'll let out all of my tears of frustration, 
then revel in life's glorious sensations.

Or perhaps, I'll just let this day go by
refusing at all to let myself cry
I'll soothe myself with one or two sighs
and watch the sunset present itself as a flowery lie.

I'll think about all the things I've done
the battles I've lost and the wars I've won
I'll think about the moon, the stars and the sun
and then I'll pause as I realize, it's already gone...

The brightly colored, flowery lie
had come and gone without a cry
so I could sit back a relax for a while
letting out a relieved sigh.

So I'll sit a while in dark retreat
legs crossed neatly under me as a seat
hair tucked to one side, neater than neat
and heart pounding in a quiet, double beat.

And when I feel my thinking is done
I'll straighten my legs, and go for a run
it'll be before again comes the sun
that I'll straighten my legs, and be away, gone.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sea of Misery

Drama, pain, and broken hearts,
patterns falling all apart.
Fighting, angry words and more,
trying to hold open so many doors
Giving so much for others' sakes,
when all they ever do is take.
I see so much agony and fallen tears
so much grief and hidden fears.
Often I know not what to do
so I let so much go, that's what I choose.
I watch so many things go by in life
filled with all of this shit and strife
because it's all sometimes just like a game
except the shooter guns don't have good aim
We're all islands sitting within the sea
unaware of what we're supposed to be
surrounded by so many along for the ride
but we feel so alone, it's more than we can abide
so we become sailing ships out on the ocean
moving with the waves, set in motion
and you never know just what people you might meet
within the breadth of this sea of misery...

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The First Step


For a while I sat in a dark retreat,
Legs crossed neatly and back arched straight;
In night’s caress did I stay,
Though in the sun’s sweet rays did I wish to stand.
A deep yearning inside of me billowed through my veins,
Fluttered in my heart,
Then rose above my head.
Such a pining sensation I tried to pursue;
But when to my feet did I rise,
A riving pain dipped through each nerve,
And tender shadows caught me upon my back.
The ache was horrendous;
My ankle had rolled and rotated upon itself,
Fracturing fragile internal symmetry
And leaving within its wake a throbbing sting.
Some passed me by;
Though I called for aid,
Only several halted their steps
To bandage my wound.
They draped my ankle with thin white cloth,
Tying it firmly in place with a knot and salve,
But left quite soon with only little words to consider:
“It‘ll heal.”
I tried to cry out,
“Please, help me up; I don‘t want to stay.”
But my voice was much to small,
And the distance was much too great.
So, for a while I sat in a dark retreat,
One leg crossed neatly, and back arched straight;
In night’s caress did I stay,
Though in the sun’s sweet rays did I wish to stand.
I propped myself up and tried to rise,
But fell quiet instantly;
Raw pain charged through my leg and up my spine.
My hope fell with me,
And skimmed the darkness
‘till out of reach did it stay.
Tears of pain and frustration filled up my eyes,
And for a splinter of a second,
I dipped my head down in distress.
Just right then, though,
Was a hand offered to me;
Hand outstretched,
You said:
“Here, I’ll help you stand.”
I took your hand in mine
With a solid but tender grip,
And you helped me upon my feet with much less ache,
Though still did it stay.
“Lean on me,”
Your next words were,
“I’ll get you into the light and we‘ll have that looked at.”
So then we walked upon that road,
You favoring one side and me with a limp.
When the warm sunlight we did reach,
My heart did soar on pure white wings and gratitude,
And I knew that in your debt I was.
But you said to me then,
“This is what friends are for,”
You smiled right then,
“So you don’t always have to take the first step alone.” 

-By Sola-Lily

Goal of Life

You can never tell just how much something might hurt someone
until it is said.
And you never know if you've really lived
until you find yourself dead.
You can't tell how much you have
until you lose it all
and you never know if you've loved
until you really fall.
It never makes any sense
until you've found the question.
And it never occurs that the little things
are the most important to mention.
You never know just how much something hurts 
until it's happened to you.
And you can't tell just what's right,
until you choose what to do.
Life's not a race to the finish line,
but so many act like it is,
when the true goal of life is
to learn, to love and to live.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Save with Words

I know now that I can only save you with words
but I wish that I could do more.
With broken smiles and teardrops
I'm lying here, bleeding, on the floor.

I wish that I could help you up,
pull you back onto your feet
just like I seemed to do
on every day we would meet...

But now I know for sure
that those were temporary highs
they were like taking crack to make you feel good...
it really was nothing much more than lies.

I was your drug, and you were addicted
I was your needle, your joint, your pill.
And now, with heavy withdrawal symptoms
you're starting to look rather ill.

The abuse we've both received 
isn't the type that shows
we've hidden them from so many
and it bruised with every blow.

We're both just a right mess
you more than me, I watched you fall
And now, bruised and bleeding
I'm desperate to get away from it all...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Alone



I'm getting very tired
of people saying I don't care
of people thinking that I'll leave
even when I say I'll still be there

I've getting very annoyed
with people thinking that I'm gone
so maybe, just maybe, I should leave
maybe I'm better off alone.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dream

Hands on the wheel
locked into place
and the look of terror
is plastered upon my face.

The wheels are squealing
down the road
and I just can't keep it straight
there's too much weight from the load.

Spinning around in circles
again, around and around
leaving dark black tire marks
upon the asphalt ground.

There's no way to avoid it
though I jerk harshly at the wheel
and as I see the side of the road coming up
I know exactly what I'm about to feel.

The glass shatters around me,
and the metal crumples with a crash
I jerk forward into the airbag
neck snapping with whiplash

Jerking awake, I sit up
eyes snapping open wide
a cold sweat upon my forehead
and back upon my pillow I lied

"Just a dream" I repeated
"It's just a dream" I said...
Reassuring myself that I was here, still
making sure that I wasn't really dead.

But even so, I couldn't fall back asleep
so I lay there, staring at my window
blinking at the grey clouds outside
and wishing that the wind didn't blow.

Slowly, oh so slowly,
my heartbeat slowed down
And I knew that I was fine
when I finally put my feet upon the ground.

I shake my head slightly
and shiver the rest of the feelings away
standing up now, I'm steady here,
and I know I'll make it through the day.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

rain


I'm sitting in the rain again
dancing under the drops
I'm smiling as I stare upwards
as the world around me stops

Time has frozen in my mind
though thoughts continue to race.
I never knew that they could go
at such a frantic pace.

So many droplets
pouring down
hitting silently
upon the ground...

Just like my thoughts
whirling round.
coming and going
with little sound

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Take the Fall

Sitting all alone now
I'm not sure what to do
because every time I close my eyes
all I can think of is you.

And then my mind turns backwards
thinking back upon my years
so few, and yet so many
and through my thoughts fire sears

So many moments of hurt
so many times of pain
so many hours of crying
when I thought I'd never rise again

But you caught my tear filled gaze
caught my ear with your words so sweet
and though I saw you only from afar
I waited so eagerly for the day we'd meet.

My mind only envisions you
standing strong, handsome and tall
and a voice slowly whispers in my mind
"why not, this time, take the fall?"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Reaper

There is nothing so encouraging
as a reminder on how feeble and fleeting life is
to make one want to remind people how much they care.

We all meet Death in the end.
Some of us do so before our time
some of us run from the Angel, the Valkyries who choose who goes.
Many of us fear Death to the very end...
We have no way to know what will come next,
and many have lost so much faith that they cannot believe what their religions say of afterlife.

But then, some welcome Death.
Some bring it, call the Reaper to them with their own hand.
As I have realize not only once, but twice, in just this week.
Three times in the last two years,
and five times came close to seeing it right beside me.
So many different ways is death shown. 
As a dark, cloaked figure.
As a light, beautiful woman.
As an angel, welcoming one up to Heaven.
As a bright light, a doorway.
As a simple, ragged curtain in an arch, whispering hidden promises.

It is disturbing for so many.
Many would like to know when they will die, how, where.
The would try to prevent it.
Who wouldn't? 
Few.
But that is because few understand, believe
Death, is just the new beginning. 
It is not bad, it is not good.
It simply is.

The Reaper does not judge those who he pulls from this life.
That is not his job.
Judgment is passed by others, far greater beings than him.
Beings who we barely understand.
Ourselves.
It is as they say, 
We don't fear our inadequecies
but rather, we fear that we are powerful beyond measure.
As we are.

We fear not the dark.
We are used to the dark.
We live in the dark.
No, we fear the opposite.
We fear light, the power of good.
We fear the very light that makes us who we are...
And we shun it.
We fear not the hate within us...
but rather, the love.
We embrace so much hate, so much darkness
and cannot stand to bear the light of it's opposites
to love, to heal, to be the light.

At least, for the time that we are in our physical bodies.
Once we are not longer held by the fear of ourselves that being on this plane keeps us in...
then, we are free. 
Then we can see who we are.
and we can love ourselves for it.
Judge ourselves fairly
and choose...

to come back, some want.
to stay in a place where we are connected to everything
in a way that we, now, here, in the physical
would not understand.

Death does not
steal
hurt
rape
pillage 
plunder
maim
or judge.
Those are all human, physical qualities.

Death
is not darkness.
The Reaper
is not evil.
Death
simply is.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Flame

We watch the flame of life get eaten by the darkness
It gets quelled by the anger and hate around the embers,
and saved only by the gentle breeze that flickers around it
The night is darkest right before the dawn
but the flame burns the brightest when surrounded by black
and so long as there's a gentle breeze, it will survive.

And so I sit. 
A candle in the darkness
a light of hope in the black of night
fed only by a breeze of confusion.
Flickering this way, and then that, always indecisive
not a steady wind, no, for that would only become blocked
but it flows one way, until it is blocked by the coals that do not wish to burn
and then the opposite way it goes.
Until again, it is blocked by coals that stay dark.

No moment is ever the same,
none can you ever get back to start over again.
You can have new starts, but there is still a history there.
No matter how much you may try, we are here.
In this moment, nothing else matters.
To live in the present is to be one with the flame,
to live at it's heart.
To be in the present is to be here and now.
It is to feel the flame flick one way and then suddenly the other as the breeze changes
It is to feel the pain and suffering as it comes,
and then to let it go and continue living.
If you are happy now, what else matters?

There are many candles in the darkness.
So many are so dim, dull, dying...
They huddle together, their light dimming the others only more.
the scummy water of hatred and pain collect at their base
It drowns their embers, no breeze able to push them away.

And so I sit.
A beacon to any who wish to find light in the darkness.
other, dull flames come, surrounded by their mountains of despair
they wait for the breeze to tease them away, to show them the freedom of now.

To be in the present is to be one with the flame
To live
to love
To burn
To grow
Ever-changing, living, dying, relighting
A pheonix is inside each and every ember
if only one can reach to it.

Each flame can smolder with hate or love
it can burn on happiness, or anger
And so the flame floats on the ocean of emotions
burning on love, or on hate
on happiness and joy or anger and rage

And so I sit...
the flame is brightest in the darkest moments
the night is darkest before the dawn...
so long as we are one with flame...
we can find the strength to go on.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A story... dream

There's a story I know
it's one of love, hate and pain.
It's a story of a life
that got washed down the drain.

It's a story of murder, 
one of a suffering heart.
It's a story of rage,
and of so many scars.
It tells the story of a young woman
who, years ago, breathed her last.
It tells of a young man
who's tortured because of the past.

A drug deal gone wrong,
and she was the one to see
he got her out, protected her
he was everything he had to be.

He hid her in a safehouse
when she said not to leave, he stayed
He held her as she fell asleep
holding her close as she laid

It took such a short time
but he found himself in love
she was so beautiful, so kind
more gentle than a dove.

He was all she had then
she had been orphaned and alone
and he was going to get her out
no matter what had to be done

One person was told,
where he was going to be
his back up, the one he trusted
there was only one, you see.

But at the bus stop,
he was horrified to hear
screeching tires, and slamming doors
they were so near.

Footsteps rushed forward
and he heard her pained cry
tackled, he watched her fall
vision blurring in his eyes.

The next few moments fuzzy
but a fight, a beating ensued,
and they left, ran away
he was alright, if battered and bruised

Off and away, he pulled her out
using his shirt to bind the wound
staring in horror at his bloodied hands,
staring in horror at the blood she had had to lose.

She was so calm, compared to him
her eyes comforting,and words soft.
She pulled him down for a single kiss
and a short time later, after words and tears, her spirit was aloft.

he tried everything he could
to pull her back, to save her life
but his voice flew out, a scream of pain
his heart broken, body shaking with strife.

Rage cooled it all, 
then flamed up red hot
back for the gun at the safehouse
karma was what her killers got.

His backup, the only way they had known
got caught by him while he was on the phone
A stab to the heart let him fall to the floor
and without a second though, the young man was out the door.

Her killers, the three who had found her,
when he found them, his hand was steady and sure
three shots, one each, splitting into their heads
he checked all of them carefully, making sure they were dead.

He put the corpses in the car, cut the brake line,
start the car, torch it, get it started
watch it crash into a wall
their bodies burning, and their spirits parted.

Still blinking back tears, 
he went back to the safehouse to change
the thought of the blood on his hands
was like a dream, so very strange

Safe and hidden 
back where he couldn't be found
he cried himself to sleep
curled up on the ground.

The next day, there was no trace
there was nothing in the news.
He learned to control the feelings inside
it was the only thing he could do

When he finally went back to his home
he withdrew from the world
he could let nobody get close
fear of another, similar happening through him swirled.
Months passed by, 
and he moved through the days
everything went by him
as if he walked through a haze

Slowly he started waking up again
though his heart was still broken 
He knew how to control the pain
and nothing about it was ever spoken.

Grown up more than he was back then
he never lets his pain, and rage show
but maybe that's just because he
doesn't want anyone else to know...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Spinning

Whirling, whirling
whirling round
spinning high
above the ground

Slipping down
through the clouds
my mouth is open
but out of it comes no sound

Falling falling
down we go
Will I land safe?
I don't know

But for some reason
panic doesn't set in
I've no fear, little thought
bu I hate feeling like this, again.

This feeling of indifference
I hate it, so much
It makes me feel like
I can't feel any touch.

But sleep is slowly setting in
and my eyes are slowly closing
the rain falls down outside
and around the house the wind is blowing

These sounds are singing me to sleep
I'll pray to keeps my thoughts in check
breathing slowly, eyes dropping
this is it now...hit the deck.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

She...2


She is so tired...
-...of the fighting, of the useless, pointless arguments, of the ups and downs, of the bruising, the weeping, the unheard cries. She hates not being able to do as she wants without constant pressure to do something else.

She blinks back...
-...tears, hoping that she will be able to sleep soundly in the night, but knowing that it is more difficult than just closing her eyes. It is never so simple as to just falling asleep. She found that long ago.

She curls up...
-...hiding her face under the covers, sighing quietly, tears starting to soak her pillow. It is late, but she still doesn't sleep.

She thinks...
-...about everything and anything. Sometimes, she wishes things were different, that she had taken a different choice than what she did in life to get her here. But she didn't, because she knew where the other choice could lead. Years of pain, frustration.

Sighing...
-...she sits up, wiping her cheeks and flicking on her lamp. She reaches out, grabbing her notebook, a pen, and wanting to write. But there are so many things she could write, so many thoughts, so many ideas.

Her pen touches paper...
-...and begins to scrawl words in smooth, even writing across the paper. It tells the tale of one young man, and then another. It runs on, each page telling of another relationship, of the opinions, the looks, the perfect moments and the beautiful times.

She smiles slightly...
-...tears are still in her eyes as her mind continues. Closer she gets to the present, and on the last page, she writes half a page, and stops.

Blinking slowly...
-...she can feel the present feelings of what has happened now. Every emotion that she has bottled behind a wall so as to be able to let them out safely, without hurting people, without hurting herself.

She let's it all go...
-...and the emotions flow through her veins, anger and rage alongside loneliness, happiness, and sorrow. She lets tears roll down as she feels each emotion fully.

Screaming inwardly...
-...she writes down what she wishes to shout.
"I don't care. I don't care who you are, what you think, or what you think you know! I'm perfectly fine with it all... but I know, what really matters, is what I think, where I go. That is what matters for me..."

She sighs...
-...letting the pen slip from her fingers, staring at the last paragraph, handwriting so much messier from the others...

Turning off the lights...
-...she lays back down, blinking away tears, letting them go, letting the pain go.

She knows...
-...it will take a while for her to recover from the bruises upon her heart. The scratches, the cuts, the makeshift bandaids...it is not broken, simply cracked... And she can heal that.

Slowly, her eyes close...
-...and sleep comes. Peace visits her, and for the first time in a long time, she's at rest.