Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Blind, Deaf, Dumb and Numb

Blind, deaf, dumb, and numb,
These things are hard to overcome
Darkness, coldness, and loneliness
Sometimes these things are for the best
Pain, feel it rip your heart
Feel it tear your mind apart
Heart, shattered, broken, gone
In the end, neither has won
This blind pathway isn’t kind
As inside, hurt rips through your mind
It blinds the eyes, you cannot see
It makes you ask, “can it be?”
It deafens the ears, you can’t hear
No matter now, no one is near
It deadens the voice, can’t say a thing
No longer can the angels sing
It’s not your heart pulling you back
It’s the mind, wishing to stay out of the black
Your heart needs rest, time to repair
It needs sunshine, light, and good fresh air
The glass has dropped, it’s on the floor
It’s cracked and broken, whole no more.
Don’t hurt yourself trying to fix it
You’ll only cut your hands upon it
Let it go, step forward without fear
because though you can't see it, light is very near
To cure the blindness, open your eyes
with clear sight, you can see the blue skies
To cure the deafness, listen hard
you'll find voices behind the door, barred
To cure the dumbness, move your lips
you'll find your voice when the cold nips
To cure the numbness, stand stiff and still
feeling will come back, I know it will

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I'm not your warrior anymore

I’m not your warrior anymore

I’m sorry to have to say it

You’re not the angel I thought you were

And I’m tired of the bullshit

I’m not your warrior anymore

Though part of me wishes I was

It’s sad to be able to say it aloud

But I don’t agree with your cause.

Your manipulative style

Just isn’t my thing

And I feel like it’s time to move on

So let’s go on,

Move on with life

Because I’m already gone

I’m not your warrior anymore

But I’ll love you til the end.

I’ll see you sometimes in the future

Maybe our friendship will mend

I’m not your warrior anymore

Don’t apologize for what you did

I know you’re not really, you don’t regret it at all

You closed the door, shut the lid.

Don’t apologize to me

I know you’re pretending

You don’t really care that much

Don’t apologize to me

You don’t feel true regret yet

Don’t say sorry til you really mean such.

I’m not your warrior anymore

But I’ll love you til the end.

So hold on to yourself, love,

Maybe our friendship will mend.

All I want

I’m feeling so alone
So on my own and lonely
I’m tired of the bullshit
And I’m wishing I had my one, my only

All I’m really wanting
Is arms around me tight
So hold me tight, pull me close
And say you’ll stay with me tonight

Abandoned by one I love
Left behind for someone else
Just let me cry out my tears
While I put this friendship on a shelf

Memories won’t replace
The feelings that I knew
Pictures will never be the same
As being there with her too.

But since she’s gone,
I’ll just turn to others now
I’ll pull myself along,
And live my life alone somehow

So just give me what I’m wanting
Give me arms around me tight
Hold me tight and pull me close
And say you’ll stay with me tonight…

Grown apart, pushed away

Grown apart

Pushed away

There is nothing

Left to say

I’m sorry but

I’m moving on

It’s too late

I’m already gone

I love you dearly

I love you so

But this is wrong

I gotta say no

I’ll always be

Right here for you

Until the very end

I’ll always love you


I’ll always be a friend

Different paths

Different minds

I can’t help

But react in kind

I’m sorry but

I can’t support you

Not when you’re like this

I’m so sorry

But this is wrong

But that’s the fact you seem to miss

I tried holding

On so tight

I tried to keep you

By my side

It didn’t work,

You’re his now

And I’m gone

Pushed away somehow

You obviously

Don’t need me

Don’t say you do

When you can’t seem

To give me

The respect I need

Or hear any of

My quiet pleas.

Don’t try to hold me

You can’t stop this

It’s gonna happen anyways

Don’t try to stop me

From leaving now

I’m moving on today.

 I'm sorry, but I gotta go, love. It's too hard to keep this up. I watch from the sidelines and I can't help but cry, watching how you are walking towards a cliff, and I don't see you turning to look and see where you are stepping. I can't stand here and support this behavior. I can't watch while you abuse not only Taylor, but yourself. You consciously manipulate him to get what you want. That isn't right! You shouldn't have to do that. You don't just "persuade" him. You are twisting him into a tangle around your fingers.

It's sad to be able to say that this relationship with you is so similar to my mom's with dad and hannah. I mean, seriously! Only, unlike hannah, Taylor won't walk away to let you throw a hissy fit. And then, because I will, I'm the "bitch" and the "bad guy" and the one who "doesn't care". I can't take that from my best friend.

There is only so much beating I will take from you, and I'm done with it. I can't handle this disrespect anymore. You aren't giving me anything but negativity and hardship. I love you, but I don't accept this behavior from my friends. I don't know exactly what happened, but you aren't the Katy I thought you were. I've looked and searched all over, and all I have found out through cross checking and double cross checking with people that aren't even in contact, is that you've treated people I consider good friends like shit. Anytime I've brought a new person to hang out with, you freak out. So long as Derek was focused on you, you were happy with the attention, but frustrated because he didn't sem to leave you alone.

You assumed that he was resentful of Taylor, and well, he wasn't. I mean, yea, he didn't like the fact that you had a boyfriend, but he never did more than tell you that he cared about you. You think that you got the point across finally. No. You didn't! Because you never just told him to back off. You jsut waited it out. That doesn't get the point across. He backed off, because I told him that you weren't gonna do anything besides wait for him to stop. He did what any smart guy would do when they don't know what to do about a chick, and went to talk to her best friend.

You didn't get ANYTHING across to him besides that you were idiotically in love with a guy in your teenage years. I got him to back off for you, because I knew how much it bothered you, and I could see how much you were hurting him. And then, I managed to connect with him.

I don't think you really liked that idea. Suddenly, you weren't the only person he paid any attention to. That last friday, when Derek showed up to hang out for a bit, you weren't the center of attention. And fuckin hell, much as I love you, you're silly little bumpersticker and quote moves to pull me back into our little bubble when I was trying for once to include someone else in a covnersation was pretty low. And then the killjoy moves later...I know you were short on food, but those were pretty fuckin sad that you were pullin that type of thing.

I'm not trying to attack you here. I want you to know that. I just think that you're hitting pretty low below the belt, and I won't put with it anymore. So long as you're acting like such a manipulative bitch, I'm not going to be around you. I love you. But this isn't okay. I don't know if you've ever shown me the real you, but I do know that you aren't the same.

You've given up magic for Taylor, and I don't know why. If he can't accept you as you were, than he can't love you. If you have to manipulate him, and make him think you're some type of angel, then obviously you don't love him either. I know that if you read this, it'll hurt, and I get the feeling like you'll hate me for saying it, but somebody has to do it. And I'm the only one besides Taylor that you care about enough to react to. I'm sorry.

I love you.
I'm leaving.
If you call, I will do anything I can to help, whether that be giving you a place to stay, or a shoulder to cry on. But so long as you're acting as you are, I'm not okay with it, and I won't put up with it in my friends. I'm sorry.
good bye.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So there's this guy

So right now there's this guy
he has the most amazing eyes
a sincere smile and an awesome voice
I try to keep my guard up, but its like I've no choice
His honesty draws me out of my shell
his guitar playing makes me want to yell
to let out a joyous shout, a happy sigh
it's like around him, I can't really hide.
My barriers fall and my guard goes down
but I feel like my feet never touch the ground
I can relax a bit, show who I am
because I know that he's no scam
It's hard though to like him so much
cuz the phone conversations just aren't enough.
It's harder because he's so far away
and I think of him every single day
I wish his arms were around me tight
he's almost always in my dreams at night
I'm not sure quite what I should do
I don't know if I'm ready to be with someone new
but I know that I'm ready to leave who I'm with
I just don't know what time and place is best...
But I'm sure something will shift, and it'll be soon
and that, lovey, will be a great boon.