Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The faeries told me

I see you sitting there
in the darkness of your room
tears slipping down your cheeks
in the darkness, they shine with the light of the moon.

I know you're scared baby
I know fear is holding you tight
But don't you dare let it rule your life
Don't, please don't, fear the light.

I wish that I was really there
I can't stand to watch like this
as you tear yourself apart, searching
for an answer that is in a dark abyss

Sometimes there's not an answer,
you just have to plod through
Please, my angel, don't cry
I can't stand to see tears on you.

I may be a devil, compared
to the angel inside of you
but I'm not all bad,
and I have feelings too.

Please, don't cry anymore
I'm here for you, but can't stand
to hear you're tears, the sobs,
I'm here beside you, to hold your hand

Look at me, only at me,
nowhere else should your eyes go
Listen to me, my voice alone
It'll be alright, the faeries told me so.

Quiet Sad, Contemplations. Take two.

It's funny how one can remember something so clearly
as if it only happened yesterday...
even if it was months ago,
It's like remembering to do something a certain way...

Even years ago, I can bring forth memories
ones that hurt, and ones that make me smile
If I wrote them down, it'd be some much
It'd probably run for miles.

But I can still feel, every feeling, every thought
I can remember each and every moment.
I can remember thinking someone should go to hell
and then sometimes that someone was heaven-sent.

The memories are good, and yet so bad
They are good and evil, black and white,
I know so much, and so little still
of why we humans hate and spite.

So content, and yet so sad, I remember everything
I know what I did, what I wish I had done
I know what I thought, and what I wanted
I remember watching the rising of the sun...

I love so much, and hate it too
I love and yet I fear the light...
I want nothing more than independence
and yet...I want someones arms around me at night...

Song of the hour: Fear of Light by Dax Johnson.

ranting about the gov...wow.

America's is going to shit.
I know that if someone random reads this,
They might be rather offended
But this is my blog, and we live if fuckin america
I can say whatever the fuck I want.
And America is going to shit.
With the way we're going, the government will have all control
Seriously guys!
America was built on the concept of freedom, equality, and all that jazz!
What the fuck are we doing here?
the way we're going, we're going to turn into a socialist country!
What. The. Fuck.
How are we going to be free, if we're letting someone turn us into a socialist country?
Mccain prolly woulda done the same...
but I think he might've been more subtle about it.
Good example,
Obama: throws a frog in the boiling water.
Mccain: turns up the water little by little.

I don't get this.
Why can't we get a president that we actually are able to have run a country well?

And here's the thing, people!
Have you ever seen how it all falls apart?
Unless you somehow manage to find a human being who cannot be corrupted,
(this isn't likely)
than socialism won't work.
You see, the leader gets corrupted, and then EVERYthing falls apart
NOTHING of freedom and democracy will survive.
We will have higher taxes,
and everyone will be on equal money standards.
that's fuckin retarded.
Some people are better at earning money.
Why should they have to pay enough that they are equal on the playing feild with those that aren't good at earning and saving money?
Sure, I would like more money.
That'd be great.
But once I get more money, I want it to me mine.
How do you like the thought of EVERYONE being poor?
Lets just move back to the Great Depression and live like that for the next century or so.
Fuck it.
I don't want to be giving up what I have
just so some drunk druggie can have free healthcare.
Seriously Fuckers.
Look at what our president is doing to this damn country.
I don't need sex.
I'm fucked over by the effin' President of the USA.
And so are all of you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Is it too soon?

Thoughts are racing through my mind
There's so many answers I'm trying to find
So many questions inside of me
I feel so blind, but still try to see.

Is it too soon, to see him again?
Should I really, try to be friends?
Is it too soon, to be around him?
I can't see the answer, the lighting's too dim.

Thoughts racing, round and round
A little bit of silence, a little bit of sound
Music, movie, talking of friends,
Shall we be able to be together in the end?

I can't find the answers I just dont' know
But I hope it'll work, cuz I really wanna go
So I'll go, and hopefully, have fun as we play
if it doesn't work out, we'll try another day...

The rain hides my tears

Cold stone on my skin
as the rain came falling down
each drop felt like a icy touch
and my dress dragged along the ground

Tears fell from my eyes
ones that you would never see
and nothing protects me from the rain
no even the branches of a tree

Paper crumpled in my hand
and beside me on the bench, a rose, blood red
I wish that it were black
because I can still remember what you said.

It hurt, and felt like a knife to my heart
and I kinda wish you still were here.
But I know that it would've hurt worse
if you had done it face to face my dear.

But still, by note? I don't understand
why you had to choose that way?
was the rose, as red as blood,
supposed to take away the pain?

The rainfall hides the tears
that you will never see
But know this, as I crush the rose
You haven't broken me

Yes, I'm crying,
in the rain,
yes, I'm hurting,
my heart in pain,
my heart is breaking
It's true,
my body is aching,

But my inner fire,
is burning strong
I know inside
I did nothing wrong

Song of the hour: Rain by Dax Johnson

Saturday, September 26, 2009


I'm feeling so lonely
so lost and so confused.
I feel so out of place,
so stuck and so abused.

I sit beside my window,
and contemplate my life
where is it that I'm going wrong?
Where is the edge of the knife?

How do I cut these ropes that bind?
I can't find where my hands are tied,
but I feel so insecure and trapped,
and it feels like someone lied.

Tears gather in my eyes,
and they fall onto my jeans,
the night outside only deeps more
as I wonder what it all means.

They say that there's a path you walk,
but why can't I find mine?
Is it just because I'm young and naive?
Or am I just blind?

If I'm walking on some hidden path,
I feel like I'm tripping over my feet.
I feel like I can't get enough air,
like I've got nothing to eat.

Weaker and weaker,
slowing down so much
I feel as though I'm missing something
and there's nothing I can touch.

Lost, lost, and confused
lonely, out of place, abused
what can I do to stop my tears waterfall?
Or should I give up and just end it all?

Friday, September 25, 2009


Being single isn't what I thought it would be.
Maybe it just takes some time.
But I'm starting to feel that need,
the want to have someone that's mine.

I'm wishing that I had
that someone to be there
the boy I love, to hold my hand
to show me that he cares.

Being single seems over-rated
right now at this point in time
I need to be held close and tight
to have someone wishing to be mine.

When I see those two cuties
that couple on the street,
I turn away and hide my tears
not wanting our eyes to meet.

I know there's envy in my gaze
when I see a couple kissing
holding hands or talking together
I feel like there's something I'm missing.

Being single is a lonely thing. "One is the loneliest number..."
It's strange, I've never felt so lonely before...not in this way.
Maybe its from being with someone for so long.
A year and a half is a long time...18 months...
Tears fall from my eyes just thinking about how I had to move on from that.
I didn't want to let him go.
I never wanted to leave him behind...
I feel like part of my heart is still gone, like I never reclaimed it...
But then I pause and look again. I never really gave it away.
In order to do that, I would've had to trust, and I didn't.
That was part of the problem.
Regardless of what I had, it's not there now.
It never will be the same again.
We have to grow, to change, and we need time apart to do that.
But being alone is hard.
My friends have their partners
Molly and Solomon.
Ayana and Healing
Reine and Joe
Katy and Taylor
Marc and Lil
Debbie and Jeremy
Kirby and Jack
So many of my friends are taken.
And I know that this feeling of envy is something that I hide behind a mask.
I'm happy for them
I just wish I had that too.
Because I know that I did.
And I gave it up because it wasn't working.
The only people I know right now that are happy being single is Nolan and Jill...
And I doubt Nolan will be single forever
and Jill, well she's not even interested in guys.

I just want that someone who will hold me tight.
Who will kiss me gently and hold my hand.
The one who will push me up against a wall or their car and kiss me like they mean it.
The one who will dance with me, sing with me, and tell me that their mine, and I'm theirs.
Is that such a bad thing?

Nolan says it gets better
And I'm sure that it will...
but I miss being together with someone.

Song of the hour: A Moment in the Life by Dax Johnson

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Lonely dancer

Lonely dancer,
all alone
spinning round
no place to call home
Skirts a-twirl,
hair in knots
strong feet stepping
dirt on them in spots.

Lonely dancer
all alone
she spins and twirls
without a home.
Lithe body beautiful
blue eyes sharp,
her body flows,
to the music of a harp.

Her dance is her life
as she knows it
it keeps her alive, searching
for one thing, the home that fits.
For years now
she's been dancing away
no stopping, no pausing
no words did she say.

But finally, dripping sweat
she slows, she falls,
she collapses to the ground
she's given her all.
So young, so proud,
so beautiful she had been
searching for a home
and yet no one had seen.

The desperation in her smile
the tear in her eye,
the questions in her head
of "when, where, why?"
The girl who was thought
to never give up,
used her last strength,
she's not getting up.

The wall around her broke,
the dam floods with tears,
the sobs wrack her body,
and yet, no one hears.
Only a home,
thats what she wanted
but finally, the undauntable girl
was in the end, daunted.

Her smile is gone,
her dancing no more,
her skirts aren't twirling
she sees no open doors.
Her long hair is tangled,
her eyes filled with tears
she has to face
one of the greatest fears.

Nobody wants her,
nobody cares
nobody she knows
will ever be there.
Despair overwhelms her,
drags her to the ground
and she curls there, crying
without making a sound.

But after some time,
days nights, days later.
She pushes herself up,
"fine, you all are haters."
No tear in her eyes,
but no smile either.
she stands up straight,
her form couldn't be neater.

Again she starts
to pick up her feet,
to spin and to twirl,
and dance to the beat.
but this dance is different
it's a faster beat, a harder step
And after a moment, someone stops
watching her every leap.

Pushing onward,
she ignored him without a doubt.
continuing her angry dance
yet he followed her, without a pout.
Days passed,
and years did too
and he constantly whispered.
"I love you, I'll follow you."

For years she ignored him,
for a decade she did
ignored him, gave him the silent treatment
like a little kid
and then, he twirled into her dance
and caught her in his arms
spun her around, and swung her about
she fell into his charms

Lonely dancer
lonely no more
she's found there's a window
beside the locked door.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Moving Away

It's saddening to watch,
when friends move away.
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say.

I guess all that I can do,
is give hugs and say goodbye,
I'm holding my head high and strong
when all I really want to do is cry.

But I'll see you off
on your journey, however long
I'll watch you walk away
and listen as you write your life's song.

It's an uphill struggle for us all
and our physical paths are seperating.
But I want you to know, I love you
and I want you to know, I'll be waiting.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Left out, Lonely, Left Behind

Left out, lonely, left behind
these are feelings within my mind.
Abandoned, forgotten, torn apart,
these feelings rip inside my heart.

Tears pouring down my cheeks,
because no one can see whats underneath.
My tough outer shell, isn't tough at all,
my sure steps still allow me to fall.

Left out, lonely, and confused,
why is it that I feel so used?
Tearstains drying on my cheeks,
why do I always feel so weak?

Music playing in my ear,
I sing along, but do not hear.
I hear only the beat of my blinks
with each one breaks another link.

Left out, lonely, my cover blown,
why do I feel so alone?
Sobs and sniffles, wracked with pain,
will these emotions drive me insane?


I know you didn't want to look
at the ending of it all
But I just want you to know
I didn't want it to fall.

The pieces were all within my grasp
I was holding them together
but the glass was cracking and cutting my fingers
and I knew it wasn't forever.

Blood was dripping from my hands
by the time I let it drop
And once it hit the ground I know
the bubble had already popped

It was time to let it go
to stop holding on so hard.
It was time to let life flow
to play that last high card.

I'd seen it coming for some time
I just didn't want to know
I knew that it was on its way
but I didn't want to let it go.

I knew though, that it would fall apart
and I knew that it would hurt.
I didn't want to hurt his heart.
but I had to make myself heard.

When a relationship cracks and breaks
its useless to hold on tight
All one can do to be happy
is let go and head out into the night

It was the best breakup I've had,
and I thank him for that
I tap my heels, and bow down low
bat my eyes and tip my hat.

But now I'm moving along through life
just know I'll always have you
I'll keep him and you with my through time
you're on my heart, like a tatoo...