Wednesday, August 26, 2009

You and Me

I figured out my feelings
(but have you figured out your own?)

I wish that you were here with me
(but you're still far away)

I feel like you're asking the wrong question
(but do you know that?)

I can't bring myself to open up
(but you haven't opened either)

I don't want to make the first move
(but I know that you won't)

I'm pretty good at hiding how I feel
(but I guess you must've been better)

I've tried to let you in
(but...I don't know how to help you up the ladder)

I wish that you could understand without words
(but I know I'll have to be blunt)

I don't want to hurt you
(but I'm pretty sure I will)

I'm scared
(and I think you may be too)

I don't want us to end
(but I'm terrified we won't last)

I'm hoping you understand my words
(but sometimes you jump to conclusions)

I don't want to wait
(but you're not back yet)

I want to trust you, to give you my heart
(but I need yours in return)

I can give mine to you
(but can you let go of yours??)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Lonely without you

I miss you so,

More than you could understand

My heart would jump

Under your hand.

My eyes aren’t sparkling

Without your touch

I miss you , I miss you

So very much.

Come back to me,

My love, my friend

Come hold my hand

Until the end

Come wrap your arms

Around me tight

And say you’ll stay

With me tonight.

My tears are falling

Lulling me to sleep

My silent sobs

Putting me down deep

I clutch the pillow

And wish it were you

Hoping that you’ll return

So very soon

My dancing steps

are hard to hold,

without your touch

I feel so cold

I can't warm up

no matter how I move

my steps are faltering

i can't start anew...

My heart trembles

Missing it’s beat

As I dance

The ground under my feet

Just say you love me

That’s all you can do

And I’ll just promise

I’m waiting for you…

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Night

Anger filling up his veins
adrenaline rushing through.
Words, plans, running through his brain.

he fingers the phone, but can't text you.

Teeth clenching, eyebrows furrowed.
struggling to hold back a fist.
How can he get himself out of the hole that's burrowed?
get himself out of the mist?

Maybe he can run away...
sneak out the back and flee
but what would happen, what would he say
to the brother he would leave?

Better to ask someone who's been there
someone who went through with that.
Texts you, asks for her
as on the sidelines you sat.

You worry and cry as he asks the question
"what would happen if I ran away?"
You desperately hope he won't have to learn that lesson
that he'll do just what she says.

"Don't run away, call the police,

tell them whats going on."
You bite your lip, but sigh in relief,
and listen to a different song.

After a while of convincing
and talking to him
he finally does it,
you could almost sing

it feels like they're going to save him.

But still, you're on the sidelines,
watching the trouble go by.

And you have to go home and wait for the right time
so you go and to sleep with a sigh.

You wake up the next morning,
if he got out of there.
only to find that they didn't do a thing
and he was still stuck with a man, a bear.

Another few moments of crying

as you knew you couldn't do something.
Who can save him? you just don't know

but it's heavy on your heart, a hard, hard blow.

You fall to your knees, and look to the sky

tears streaming down your face.
what else can you do besides pray and cry?
as he runs through this desperate race...

"Please God, Father, Holy Source,
give him bravery, courage and strength.

Give him the energy, to run this course
to keep on til the end of the last length.

"Goddess, Maiden, Mother and Crone,
send him compassion, love and my heart.
Let him not be left alone!

Send him support through this part.

"Spirits of Wind, Water, Earth and Fire,
help grant me this one desire
Lend him your strength, your energy, your flow

Let him know all he needs to know.

"Sylphs of the Wind, lighten his load,

give him the wings on his feet.
Lift him up, just above the ground,
for when the path gets steep.

"Undines of the Water, carry him along

like the current of the river deep
Solidify the waters he has to cross
let the surface carry the weight of his leaps.

"Golems of the Earth, lend him your power,

the patience of the mountains and rocks

Give him the strength to hold strong as he should,
to break through his mind's locks.

"Salamanders of Fire, burn a path at his feet

make it a little more smooth
Let your fires keep him moving along

let your gentle warmth flare at night to soothe.

"I thank you, God, Father, Holy One,

And Mother Goddess too.
Fire, Water, Wind and Earth,
all of the elements, thank you."

Biting your lip, you finally stand,
tears still on your face,
but you feel them disappear as you raise your hand

hoping he'll get through this terrifying race

There's nothing to do now, but wait and hope
that it'll all be okay

you hope that he'll make it through whats on his plate,
and that he'll stay completely safe...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I don't know

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say.
I feel as if I can't help
Like I'd just get in the way.
I hate to see them so scared
to see them so afraid
I hate to see them up so late
it cuts me like a blade.
I don't know how to help
or how to be there for them
I guess I don't know anything
not even the real problem
I hate this feeling inside
this mixture of emotions.
I hate to know that I just don't know
but that seems to happen a ton.
I guess, I'll just have to stick it out
to hold on for them, for me.
I guess I'll just hold on tight
and where it goes, we'll just have to see..

Sunday, August 2, 2009

staring down the barrel

You should be dead
for what you did
for taking away
such things from a kid.
You should be dead,
rotting in the ground
unable to speak,
or hear a sound.
You should be dead,
for killing them all
You should be tortured
in some random mall
A bullet should fly
through your heart
for tearing me
and my family apart.
And yet here we are
with the gun in my hands
My finger on the trigger,
it should be grand
but I can't make myself
pull that little lever.
Staring down the barrel,
I slowly say "never."
I cannot shoot you
kill you once shoot you twice
It'd make me no different.
and it's no different than a slice.
I'm staring down the barrel
of a .45
and then I turn, I walk away.
I'll just have to survive.