Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I Can Stop The Pain

Don't look at me
I can feel your gaze
I can see you clearly,
even through the haze.
All I feel in pain,
All I know is wrong,
Everything I say
Turns into a song.
Don't turn away
Just don't look at me.
Hold me close and tight
The pain I feel doesn't have to be.
Don't close your eyes
I've never been filled with so much fear
I can't close my eyes
even though I'm blinded by tears.
I know I can stop the pain
it's not so much I guess.
If I will it all away,
I can get rid of this mess.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I don't give a fuck


It seems like everyone is trying to get to me
Everyone is out for the kill

I didn't think I was so worth pursuing...
and I'm not constant and still...

You're blowing all of your attention on me...
but your best shot will still miss
you're not interesting enough to get me closer
you don't put me in a state of bliss.
I can't believe you'd do what you did,

and yet I know it's true
and all I can really think to say

is just fuck you.

I don't want to talk to you
I don't want you in my life
I don't want to see you right now
I know all you'll cause is strife.
I don't need you're "support"
I don't need a counselor,

I just need you to leave me alone

Talk to you? What for?
You aren't who you think you are,

not to me at least.
I don't need you in my life
So you should just cease
.
Don't try to contact me,
cuz I don't give a damn
You'll try to send me down "I can't" road.
When I want to go down "I can"
Just leave me alone,
for a few years more

cuz right now, I think you suck
Just leave me alone,
don't talk to me
cuz right now,
I don't give a fuck.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

People are chemicals

I realized something, about this time last year. People are like chemicals. Some mix together well, creating something completely new and wonderful, others meet each other and explode. Some even take a little bit to blow of steam before exploding.

Those that react badly (i.e. exploding) are like those couples that have a strong physical attraction, so they hook up, and then find that they aren't compatible at all, and so they break up, often with an explosion of drama. It's like dropping Sodium (N) into water (H2O) and putting a lid on the bucket. It builds up power for a moment, and then BOOM! off flies the lid. This usually leaves both chemicals slightly different, and the same in the case of people. Both of the two come out a little scarred.

Those that react nicely (not exploding) are like the couples who get together and realize that they really get along well. Now if they break up, it's usually a quiet, "this will be better for both of us" deal, with no explosion. A few ruffled feathers maybe, but nothing really. It'd be like putting Sodium Chloride (NCl (tablesalt)) and water together. They mix fine, no explosion, and separate fine, the water able to be boiled away and recollected without any loss. People may be changed a little, but not for the worse, and they're never scarred.

It's a rather random thought, but interesting.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Another Dedicated to Becca

I loved you like a sister
(but you forgot that fact)
I used to think you were my friend
(But you forgot that too)
I changed a helluva lot
(But you changed in a different way)
You may think I lied
(But I only told you how I felt)
You may think I'm a backstabber
(But backstabbers don't say it to your face)
I know I could've picked a better time
(But I picked the best time of all)
I said what I needed to
(But I wish I hadn't had to)
I really miss you now
(But I could never tell you that)
I accept you as you are
(But you expect me to change)
I love you, despite what happened
(But I couldn't renew what we had)
I watch from a distance
(But I hope you never know)
We'll go our separate ways now
(And I only hope you'll learn and grow)
Goodbye forever, my ex-friend
(I wish I didn't have to say it.)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Prayer

To the Gods, the Goddess, God, or whatever-force-out-there-looks-out-for-all-of-us-puny-humans...

I don't know if you're watching me right now...I mean you have to watch the entire universe...but if you could just take a look at what I'm going through right now, it'd be nice. You see, I've been having these seizures, and I don't know why. I'd like to know why, but I don't, and well, I'm feeling really scared, a bit lonely, and rather singled out. I'm feeling pretty helpless here, or I wouldn't be bothering you. But I'd really like these to stop. I don't know how to stop them right now, and I'm really just sick and tired of having to stay home, and fearing that I'm going to have a seizure any minute. I know that it's really stressing me out, and my mom too. She's really rather sick of it too.

I don't know exactly how to deal with this, plus all my friend problems, and all my other crud in my life, so I'd really appreciate a little bit of help please. Ijust really don't know what to do, and you're really all I can think of at this point. Please stop them.

Thanks for listening, if nothing else...
Belle

Feeling so Blue...Fearing so Much

Feeling so alone sometimes
Loneliness
Wishing my friends were here
Wishfulness
Wanting so bad to be better again
Praying hard
And wanting fairy-tale magic to truly exist
Wishing so often
Wishing I could understand what God wants
Wondering
Asking "why?" so often i could cry
Asking for answers
Wanting to know why this is happening to me, and my family
Can't life just be without care?
Please please just let my body fix itself tonight
So once more I can just be happy.
Fearing even morethat it won't stop
hoping that it will
let me be, problems, let me be,
let the universe fix this ill

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Time to Move Along


So now it's said
and now it's known
can you get past
the seeds I've sown?
Can our friendship
be repaired?
I'm not sure,
after what I've shared
I'm sorry, really,
but I'm moving on
I've let the door close
and I'll soon be gone
I've chose the path
I thought was right
after all your crud
after all your lies.
I guess that we're done
it's time now, to move along

Monday, December 1, 2008

I'll Be There For You


I'll be there for you,
no matter what they say
I'll be there for you,
I'll do it all anyway.
I love you more than most I know
and I know that you're my sister dear.
So, listen to me,
and what I have to say, hear.

I love you as much as the earth and sky
and I miss you so much, Semone.
Even when I talk to you so much,

I know that most times, I'm gone.
But now, when support is needed,
I'm right down the road.
and with my strength to be beside you,
I'll help you take the load.
My Semone, my dearest sis.
You're the one I always miss.