Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dedicated to Becca

It's rather funny when I look back on everything we've been through. You used to be one of my many rocks in the river of life. We were never the closest of friends or anything, but we had something, a common connection that kept us together. We had so much fun together, two on one basketball with Steven, or just hanging out together and talking and you convincing me to watch certain movies. x.O And I knew that that common bond was beginning to fade. It was obvious. You never called me, you never really talked about what was going on, you talked behind my back, made fun of me, and all sorts of little things like that.

I think it's sad. You were a really cool person. And then slowly, you started changing. And I can understand the phase your in, because I went through it. Not in the same way, but I went through it too. But I can't deal with it on top of the rest of my problems.

I almost didn't realize just how far this had gone until people pointed it out to me. Obviously, to me, you were going through some problems, granted that you multiplied them out of proportion, and I figured that if I really needed to know, if you really wanted me to help out, you'd tell me. God, I was so fucking blind. Jealousy really is a green eyed monster, and she's got you in her clutches. But that's not the problem.

Really, I don't give a damn about what you think. In fact, since you didn't say a thing to me, it matters even less. But I care about you, because you are another human being. And I can see the path your walking, and it's dark.

You don't worry about me, because I "yell and push people away". That was true. A long time ago. Now, I only push those away that I know won't help me. And sadly, you're one of those people. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Goodbye.

Farewell, adios, etc. It's time that I broke off this pathetic excuse for a friendship before either of us gets hurt. It was good times, chica. But I'm not hanging out with someone who thinks that the only way they can be happy is to be ahead of me, and the only way to do that is to put me down. You may get on top and be flying for a while girl, but what goes up has to fall. And you'll land hard.

In an even simpler way: You're a bitch, so get the fuck away from me. Bye Becca.


Friday, November 28, 2008

Bitch Means

You think I'm a bitch. Well, I'm a damn good bitch. Do you know what Damn Good Bitch means?

Nice (relatively)


It's come to the point
where I have to choose
And it's rather hard
you see, I've got a lot to lose.
One path goes to freedom,
with a bit of possible fail,
but the other goes to certain-ness
an impenetrable jail.
Ditch one friend,
and keep the others
makes me wonder why
I should even bother.
She's a bitch
and not in a good way
often enough, around her,
I don't know what to say.
But I guess I'm going
to the freedom path
whether it causes war or not
in its afterpath.
I'll leave this one friend behind
at least she'll finally know my mind...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


So if anyone is wondering why I get so frustrated so easily recently, or seem "off" or "mad" or "upset" here's why.

One of my friends, (soon to be EX-friend) had been being a gigantic bitch who's a pain in the ass. And not only to me. If it were only to me, I'd be like "whatever" but she's being a bitch to my other friends too. She's really been like this for a few months, but I didn't notice because I didn't look for it. My other friends brought it up to me, and I was like "WUT THE FUCK?" and now I've been able to see everything. So, I've been really uptight, especially around her, and I realized that she never tells me anything anymore, and she makes fun of me behind my back with my other friends. (You'd think she'd realize that they'd tell me). She is jealous of anyone with a real relationship, ends up crushing on sooooooo many guys, and doesn't like my b/f because he's "too perfect". Wat the hell? She's jealous of me, for some reason, but still tries to hang out with me, when she can't avoid it. She never calls me, because i "Yell, and or get off the phone 2 seconds later" she never worries about me because I "yell and push people away" and she can't seem to be anything but a bitch around me.

It's to the point where I'm just going to leave her behind. I was never extremely close with her, but it was enough to be a friendship that was fun. I'm just gonna stop seeing her at all, in school or not, and I will not talk to her, etc. If she follows me at lunch, I'm just gonna say "Dude, you're a bitch, and I don't want to fuckin' be around you anymore. Take a hint, and then hike off a cliff." Or something like that. And then she'll go to one of my other friends and go "What the fuck's up with her?" and well, we'll see how it goes from there.

But I'm done with it all. I can't stand being around her anymore.

Monday, November 24, 2008


I'm watching you go down,
I'm watching you fall.
I'm seeing all of your mistakes
I know you didn't hear my call.
I can't help you through this
I can't go through it all again
I won't take the shit you throw at me
I won't stop you from giving in.
If you can't bring yourself to tell me
what the hell is going on
Then I don't know what to do
And I can't tell when you're gone.
I'm through with all your jealousy
and all of you fucking lies.
So pack up your bags and leave right now
I can't stand the sight before my eyes.
But now I can see
What I should've seen, before our friendship died.
I'm sorry, ex-friend, I've had enough.
This is it, this is goodbye.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I don't know why people seem to think that I'm a force to be controlled by them. There are few people I give that power to. And even then, it's only occasionally. But always, always, there is somebody there who seems to think that threatening me, or persuading me will make me give them all the power to my heart, body, mind and soul. It won't. Persuading me, well, that works to an extent. But it never gives complete control, and threatening? Come on people! Get a life and learn to control your own lives before you try to control mine!

Howard's father, Guy, is a good example of this. He's a narcissistic s.o.b. who can't seem to think of anything but what he wants. I can understand being the center of your own world, but he takes it too far. Farther than I can even deal with. And of course, he seems to like my company. This didn't bode well, not since I first met him.

Now, he's using the "Howard won't be able to go over there" threat...and it's PISSING ME OFF! I'm so fuckin close to just blowing up in his face and telling him just what I think of that. The only thing holding me back is that it would affect Howard. His dad wouldn't shut up about it if I did so. I don't want Howard to have to deal with the pressure of his dad trying to get him to dump me.

But either way, Guy isn't my parent, and has no right to tell me what to do. Personally, I find it a bit creepy that it's him and not Howard that asks if I can come over. He's over 50 O.o. and yet here he is trying to get me to do something I don't want to. Well, he can kiss my ass. Motherfucking SON OF A BITCH!


Sunday, November 2, 2008

I've Run Out of Tears

I've no more tears
to waste on you
I don't care what you think
I don't care what you do
I've no more tears,
the well has run dry
and all because
of your stupid lies
I've run out of tears
and now I'm ending this strife
So go on, get out, leave
move on with your life.