Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fuck you


Fuck you
Fuck this place
Fuck your plans
So fuckin' get out of my face.
To hell with what
you want to fuckin' do
I don't give a damn,
I've got feelings too.
I don't give a fuck
what you think
I just feel like
you're trying to make me sink
I'm trying to live
to find out who I am
and you just say what you want
Like you don't give a damn
So fuck your birthday
and fuck what you do
and you know what?
Fuckin' Fuck you.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Broken Love Songs


Broken Love Songs

We've got broken hearts and worn out songs
I've got broken wings, that have done no wrongs
I've sung a love song or two
and written one for all of you
brokenhearted girls
with tears and curls
and player guys
with heartbreaking lies
My songs are broken
their words unspoken
their music unplayed
and nothing gained.
So with broken hearts and my worn out songs
and my broken wings without any wrongs
my love song's writ, for all of you
It's only another of the billion or two.

Monday, October 20, 2008

He's My Drug


He's My Drug

I guess it's just the way he walks,
Or his well worn hat, and jeans
But every times he rides into the sunset
I know it's the best thing I've ever seen.
His dusty boots and dark brown hair
I wonder I show in his brown eyes.
Leather jacket, clinking spurs,
I wish I could cover up my sighs
He knows that I'm addicted,
A city girl to a country boy, instead of a city thug.
But what can I say? I've no excuse
Besides, he's my drug.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Nevermind


Nevermind

Nevermind that you're breaking her
Nevermind that she's hurt,
Nevermind she's crying
Nevermind that she's in the dirt.
Nevermind that she can't take it
Nevermind that you say you care
Nevermind that you 'love' her so
Nevermind that you say you're there.
So nevermind, no, nevermind
Just leave her there to die
Nevermind that you left her
Nevermind you can't admit a lie
No nevermind, nevermind
go on with you're night.
Go ahead...break her heart
Cuz you 'care' for her...Right?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Masks

Ever notice how so many people constantly wear a mask? It's a form of armor, of protection. It's a way for us to not get hurt by rejection, if we think that somebody may not like us. It is, in essence, armor. An act, yes, but armor nonetheless.

For instance, I know some people, who around certain people, are "angels". They never swear, never do anything "bad". And then, when they are alone with their friends, they say damn, shit and fuck every other word, smoke and/or drink, and are the typical image of a "bad influence". And then around someone else, they are in the middle...

It is amazing to watch how it all works. Even I do it. Around certain people, I am much different than around others. I can guarantee that around some people, I would think twice before saying "dang" while around others, I am fine with swearing often, even regularly.

I met a guy the other day, named James. I've seen him around for a while, and he's really shy. Many people I know who are shy, use it as a shield. I don't know if he does, but I know that I did once. I pretended to be shy so I didn't have to put myself out there.

James doesn't seem to do this. That makes me happy, because I hate watching people do that. I've been working on myself to not wear masks, and it kinda makes people freak every now and then. I don't try to hide who I am. I simply choose to be.

And that is what I wish all people would do at least once. Just simply to exist as they are. To not hide, to not fear, to not wish that they were understood. Just to be.

I am working to be like that all the time, but I know it will take years. If other people don't like me, so be it. If they don't like me, I don't think they are worth my time.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Loneliness

I find loneliness a rather interesting feeling. You can feel like you're all alone, even while surrounded by other people who love and care about you. You can feel like you're in a crowd, even if you are all alone. How does one define "loneliness"?

I often feel alone. Even when I am around my family, or even my closest sister-friends. I can feel alone, even when I'm with those I love the most. I can be wrapped in a hug, or even surrounded in a group hug, and still feel like I am the only one on this earth.

I know I confuse people with this. I bitch when there are people in the house, and then I bitch when the house is empty. I found that it's not that I want to be alone, I hate to be alone, I just want to be around different people. My brother tries to manage the house, Mom gets on my nerves because of our different personalities, and Miche takes up my space. Reine is no longer an issue, since she moved out. But I feel all alone when I'm around these people.

When I want to be alone, what I truly want is to be around people that acknowledge me, and will give me attention, but won't smother me with attention. Somewhere I can sit, read and be quiet, and yet still be able to be around people without them requiring that I get up and go do chores.

I think many people feel all alone in the world, like no one else can see through their rose tinted glasses. I can see how these people may turn bitter and start to hate the world just because they feel so all alone, like nobody cares. I know a few people that are somewhat like that. Or they simply turn to drugs and alcohol to "solve" their problems. Little do they know it doesn't really help at all...

It hurts to watch others throw away everything that they have. To not even realize how loved they really are, how much they could truly do. And yet, I can't do a thing to help them.

Loneliness is something that I wish did not exist, and yet, I know that it must. If it didn't, then many, including me, wouldn't learn the lessons they need to learn. A sad fact, but one I believe to be true.