Monday, September 22, 2008

Fear

Fear. One of the most base of emotions. But why is it that we feel fear, even if we don't feel happiness, or any other emotion. It's such and interesting fear. Many of my problems are based off of fear, when it comes right down to it.

Fear of getting hurt, fear of getting abandoned, fear of losing everyone I know. But an interesting one, is one that almost everybody has. Fear of Death. Why fear death? Our bodies die eventually, especially when we fill them with junk, fat and grease. If I knew how I was going to die, that might scare me, but the thought of death doesn't.

It's a natural thing. Things are born, they live, they die, and then they decay. I don't want to go through life, fearing to do anything just because I might die. If I die, then I die, and it was probably supposed to happen for some reason or other.

I've seen death, all around me, plants, animals, so why is it that so many people are scared of it? Is it a deep seated fear that their soul will go to hell? That there is nothing after this life? Get real people, and find some faith in whatever it is you believe.

I don' t fear dying. The thought of my body dying, is not disturbing to me, because I believe my soul will continue. What disturbs me is the thought of being soaked in chemicals so I don't rot, stuck underground in a casket, and slowly rotting throughout the centuries. Just cremate me and get it over with. And don't keep my ashes, that's gross. Throw them to the winds, over the ocean, or in the mountains.

Either way, I think I'll get the answer to that question eventually. Why is it that people fear death?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Predator or Prey?

Ever notice how different animals act differently as a whole? Not only because of species or some such, but because of their status on the food chain. For instance, look at deer. Cautious, constantly looking out for danger, watching all the time, freezing and then fleeing if it comes. Or a rabbit, freezing until it seems like it's been seen, and then running like a bullet from a gun. Compare that to the easy, slow, and lingering slink of a mountain lion, confident that none will attack it. Or that of a pack of wolves, running after animals bigger than three times their individual size.

Are you a prey or a predator?

Now, as humans, we technically don't have any animal that is above as on the food chain. We are the ultimate parasite, sucking the life from the earth, even though we could give her back all she needs. But, having nothing to fear, our minds create things to fear, and we prey on each other. Prey, we know as victims. Predators, more often, I've seen labeled as criminals, or bullies.

Now the prey, from what I've seen, often makes excuses, hides, and in an attempt to scare others off from noticing their fear, "puffs up" and makes themselves bigger. But predators, take advantage of the fear the the prey tries to hide, bullying and picking on them until they feel satisfied. Often even what most would consider the "predators" are just scared prey, trying to look big enough to scare others. And they succeed, for the most part. The other prey are scared of them.

But then there are those who, despite all of the "puffing up" and fluffing of fur of others, don't have to do so themselves. These are the real predators. But when these people are found, they don't treat other humans like prey, like so many. They are our protectors, saving us from ourselves and the world.

Take a moment, and look deep, deep inside yourself. Don't hide the truth from yourself. Are you one of the prey, or one of the predators.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Acceptance

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to accept what is considered "different"? For most people, from what I've seen in my life, different is anything that is out of the majority way of thinking. Why is being part of a minority such a bad thing? It's not like the "norm" is always the best way to go.

In my opinion, being "weird" and "different" from most people, either shows a desire for attention, (yes I have this :P) and/or a heightened confidence that many people don't have. A lot of people, especially kids in highschool, like me, don't have self confidence. They tag along with the majority, because the majority is what is "normal" and everybody wants to fit in. Even I want to "fit in". I know I'm different, every one is unique, after all. But why do people think that I'm "weird"?

Yes, I wear a tail to school, and out and about. I have no problem with being myself around complete strangers, my friends are loyal to me and they won't stab me in the back to get a step higher, and I'm beautiful and smart. But why is it so difficult to accept that it's just how I am? I have confidence. I like being the center of attention (sometimes). I prefer to stand out somewhat. It gets me attention (yea yea shutup) and it proves to myself that I am okay with being me. I don't care about proving myself to anyone else; what is there to prove? That I'm an "okay" person? That I "care" about people? What is it that they want from me? To conform to what the "norm" is?

Fuck that. I'll walk my own, solo path if I must before I decide to conform to what they think I should be.

I have people that love me for who I am. My family, my friends, my adopted family (thank you Marc), all of them accept me for me. But those other people who can't get over the whole fact of "OMG she's wearing a tail!" make me so mad sometimes. Some of those at school, (thank you Will, Grace, and others) are okay with it, even like it, or they just accept that it's me. But then there are those who make fun of me. I can take it, yea, but why can't they accept who I am? Why must I change to match their expectations?

There are many possiblities of why they might want this. 1) My self confidence makes them feel insufficient, and realize their own insecurity. 2) They're so used to the "majority rules" that anything not of the majority is "out" 3)They don't see the point.

Maybe it's none of these things. But what most people never see is that there is no majority. We are all different, unique, in our ways. There are those who try to act and talk, walk or sound like someone else, but they are still different. They think different, talk different, have different beliefs. Nobody is part of a "majority" or is "normal". There is always majorities on certain issues (i.e. Whether Bush is a sucky president or not) but those are specific points in an ocean of reality.

There isn't a "point" for me to wear a tail. I think it's cool, I like it. It's part of who I am, of my makeup of the world. I threw away my cool card years back, and I never tried to find it again. I am who I am, and nobody who's trying to fuck around with my life is going to make me change just so they are happy. I am me. I am a walking contradiction, and I often don't make sense, but no matter what happens, I am perfect.

No not by the definition of the word. But I am the perfect me. I am exactly who I am supposed to be. Nobody but me can change me. There's nobody else that is like me. I'm unique, good luck trying to find another Serryphae, who thinks like me and acts like me.

For all you that love me, thank you, for being accepting of me, my faults and all...

And for all you haterz, thank yout too, for making me see how being myself truly infuriates you to no end. I love how I'm made the center of your world.

I don't give a fuck if you're offended. Suck it up and deal with it, Princess!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What Life Is About...

Have you ever seen a chance, and then watched as it passed you by? Have you ever looked back and wished so hard that you would've just gotten up the guts and asked the question, or grabbed it while it was there? Or maybe you just never saw it, as you drowned in your misery. But either way, it comes down to one question: Have you ever let a chance pass you by?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It is what allows us to learn from our mistakes, to not have to run into a wall repeatedly, wondering why we can't go through it. But so many people, sadly, haven't learned to move past seeing what the mistake was, and to the lesson beyond it. They move through life, each mistake weighing them down with guilt and/or regret. It is a hard path to walk, but not a lonely one. Even I stray down it once in a while. But as I walk and sift through regret and disappointment, I've finally learned to see the lesson.

Some people live completely in the past. This disturbs me, although I was there once, too. Just wandering through the present, never looking ahead, barely looking at the now, and focused almost completely on what has been. Living in the future is just as dangerous. Although I have never done this myself, I know a few who have, and some who still do. They look forward , always worrying about what 'might' happen. It makes seeing what is happening a bit difficult, from what I've seen. As for living in the present, this is by far the healthiest way to live that I've seen. Plan for major happenings a while ahead, but live here, in the now. Use hindsight to learn from mistakes, but don't obsess over them, and above all, live. Live a life that you will be happy to look back on when you're old.

Life, after all, is not about finding yourself, as so many believe. Life if about creating yourself, making you who you are in the end.